My Favorite Funny Financial Quotes

man-laughing-hahaIf you’ve ever called me and reached my voice mail, you know I love to record funny financial quotes. I hate boring voice mail messages so I try to spice mine up a bit!

Here are some of my all-time favorites:

1. The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. – Will Rogers

2. Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons – Woody Allen

3. A bank is place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

4. The trick is to stop thinking of it as “your money.” – IRS auditor

5. Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence. – Max Amsterdam

6. Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back. – Author Unknown

7. Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells. – J. Paul Getty

8. The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters. – Jean-Paul Kauffmann

9. If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one. – George Gobel

10. The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people. – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places

11. I rob banks because that’s where the money is. – Willie Sutton

12. All I ask is the chance ego prove that money can’t make me happy. – Spike Milligan

13. Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next. – Edmund Stockdale

14. Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. – Herman Wouk

15. The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. –  Albert Einstein

16. The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket. – Frank Hubbard

17. The taxpayer: that’s someone who works for the federal government, but doesn’t hav to take a civil service examination. – Ronald Reagan

18. I owe the government $3,400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat. – Michael McShane

19. Someone stoke all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. – Henny Youngman

20. Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions. – A.A. Latimer


21. There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails. – Spencer Tracy

22. If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become  your sex appeal. – Katherine Hepburn

23. What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. – Mark Twain

24. It’s money. I remember it from when I was single. – Billy Crystal

25. Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams

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